One Year Later

 Katie Davis' book "Kisses from Katie" wrote:

"'Remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.'   
People repeat this frequently;  I heard it when I was growing up and I hear it now.  It is meant to be a source of encouragement, and it would be if I believed it were true.   But I don't.   I believe that God totally, absolutely, intentionally gives us more than we can handle.   Because this is when we surrender to Him and He takes over, proving Himself by doing the impossible in our lives."

I feel exactly that way.    The past year has been the most challenging time of my life.     I have truly reached the end of our ropes, physically, spiritually and emotionally. 

One of my favorite verses has been Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."    

It is so easy to stop at Jeremiah 29:11 and enjoy the peaceful thought of the prosperous plan and hopeful future that God has promised us.    But in this past year, time and time again God turn my focus on the verses come immediately after Jeremiah 29:11 :

Jeremiah 29:12-14, "'Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the LORD"

I called Him, prayed to Him, begged Him, doubted Him, got angry with Him, gave up on Him.   But He kept drawing me back.   He met me where I was - in my dark pit.   His love truly never fails, never gives up, never runs out on us.

I finally realized the prosperous plan and hopeful future that God promised comes with a "Then" clause.       I now believe God sometimes purposely put us in situations where we had nowhere to turn, no strength to carry on and no hope in sight, so that we can single-mindedly call upon Him and rely on Him alone.    He wants to draw us closer to Him.     And only when we follow Him closely, we are living in His most prosperous plan and have the most hopeful future.      

A year later today, we, as a family, are starting to make connections.    My heart is now overwhelmed by a sense of awe  (on most days I should say.   It is a constant battle, especially when we have a bad day);  An awe of His great love and mercy even to the abandoned, the unwanted and the weak;  An awe knowing that He is accomplishing His most loving redemptive plan through our family, entrusting His beloved children to us, undeserving sinners, and through it all, sanctifying us, drawing us closer to His heart everyday. 

Finally found a picture of Mr. Hui.    You won't see all these happy faces without his hard work every day.  We are constantly amazed by how God provided our needs everyday with just one typical office job income.   Every time San tells his co-workers that he has six kids, he gets all these faces of disbelief!     To be honest, we don't know how we made it every month neither, but we did somehow.    San has just recovered from a month-long kidney stone ordeal.    After two surgical procedures and lots of pain and pain killers, we are grateful that it is finally over, and pray that it won't ever come back!

Miss. Rachel came over to bake cookies with the girls.   They absolutely love and adore Miss. Rachel.   Miss Rachel is the most loving, the kindest 18 year-old girl I've ever met.   She will also be going on the mission trip to Uganda in January. There seems to be a special tie between her and the girls. 

Chinese say this is 缘份.    Probably.   But I rather believe she must be God's special gift and blessings to our girls.       Bethany is highly tactile defensive (very common in blind kids), and is usually very reluctant to touch anything sticky or slimy.  But she tried shaping a cookie dough that day.  Another baby step forward!

Our yummy cookies!

My big guy in his army uniform.   He has just finished his first semester in college.    No more getting up at 4am for a while!   He is getting ready to go on a two-week mission trip to Uganda on January 11th.       He was at work on the day when the Connecticut elementary school shootings happened.   Shortly after the news spread, I got this text from him: "ma did you hear about the shootings today?  just want to say i love you and the family as well.  ok bye".     So sweet.

Sam teaching Pearl to do push up, the army way! 

Pearl by nature is so driven and so outspoken.   She is so eager to learn, so eager to try new things.   Everything she touches or sees, she wants to try.   Very different from the rest of us procrastinators.....  LOL...  Her recent favorite song is "Too Late to Apologize' by Timberland.  (I know she shouldn't be listening to it.... thanks to her teenage brothers!  ha,ha... actually, I kind of like this song too.... LOL)   She loves the cello part at the beginning and has been asking to learn the cello since.   Um...  she does look a little like a cellist.....

Pearl started swimming lessons in September.   She sped through level 1 and 2, and currently in level 3.  Her teacher called her "fearless".    She is. She would jump into 5 feet deep water with absolutely no hesitation!    But watching her makes me so nervous!  

During Black Friday shopping, Sam got her this T-shirt that said "Mischief Crew - finding trouble since 2012"!    It is SO Pearl!  She is definitely the ringleader of mischief!  LOL.      Sam also got her this bear jacket and a bear hat!    

Pearl and Ruthie play well together most of the time now...On a good day, I will only hear screaming, crying or complaints from either of them a few times. (versus constantly before)  LOL.      On the bright side, they stick together very well when they know they are in trouble.    They often huddled together and tried to hide from me when it is time for their naps.    One day, as Ruthie was whining about something, Pearl turned to her and warned her sternly, "Don't make Mommy mad!"     It was so funny!   LOL...

Our drama queen is talking in short sentences now.   Last night when she saw me spilled some water on the floor, she said to me, "Mommy made mess".  Immediately, she ran to get a napkin, and started wiping the floor and repeated, "Mommy made mess, clean up".   So funny and so sweet. 

 

 Bethany dressed up as fire fighter, Pearl a doggie, and Ruthie a panda bear for Halloween this year.  They are so so cute.       Ben, in the back- When people ask me how Ben is doing, my answer is always, "Ben... is still Ben, LOL"...   One day after school he told me he forgot to bring a fork for his lunch(pasta) that day.   So he asked a friend for two pretzel sticks and used them as chopsticks to eat his pasta.  When the pretzel sticks broke, he asked another friend for a piece of chips to use as scoop to continue to eat.    When his chip finally broke too, he finished his lunch with his hands.       I laughed so hard that day!   

 Bethany finally learn to put on her socks, the right way, all by herself.   (For a long time, she used to just pull up the socks not knowing where the heels should go).   That night, we girls all danced around the floor chanting "perfect socks! perfect socks!....."       Baby steps, big celebration.   We are celebrating and giving thanks to all baby steps forward, no matter how small it is.    

  Bethany likes to draw(scribble) just like her sisters do.  She likes to switch to different colors too, just like her sisters.    She enjoys drawing with a pack of scented markers where different color has a different fruit smell.    I bought her a wooden drawing board where she can place her paper on to help her keep her drawing within the paper.   

 

Bethany has very little awareness of her fingers and her fingers are very weak.     School is giving her OT once a week for half an hour, but that's not quite enough.    We try to do more at home to help increase finger separation and strength.   This is one of the fun exercises I have her do - popping bubble wraps.   I've also started her on the piano, just have her tapping the keys with her fingers and she is enjoying that very much.      I am looking forward to that day when she can type with her braille writer, button buttons,  open a bottle cap, and may be playing a musical instrument?    These goals seem so far away now that it feels like only miracles can get us there.    But again, little one step at a time.

I can tell Bethany is trying to make connections with this world.     Small baby step at a time.  Sometimes Bethany seems to be staying stagnant for months.   Sometimes she surprised me.    For as long as she is in school, the teachers have been complaining her being uncooperative - head bunting teachers, wouldn't let teachers touch her hands, refused to comply,  pulling and pushing her peers, etc...   While she was doing better emotionally and getting along with her sisters so well at home, I still receive bad behavior reports from her teachers constantly.  There seemed to be no improvement.  Every time I confronted her, she just kept silence, withdrew and became unresponsive and sometimes started to shiver.   I knew she understand what I was talking about, but time and time again, she just withdrew and kept silence.   Then one day, I totally lost it.    As I yelled so harshly at her, she suddenly broke her silence and said "sorry".     I broke down and cried.   I cried, not because she finally feel sorry for what she did or responded to my yelling.    It was because, in my dryness, I suddenly saw hope.     A hope that assure me we are finally making connections with each other and that God is in all these and He knows the plan.