Settled and Moving Forward

The appointment with Bethany's Geneticist went very well.   No, we didn't get a conclusive diagnosis that I thought we would get.     Her gene test report indicated an extremely high number of genes contains duplicates, which likely means that her parents were very close relatives.   I asked if they were possibly cousins or siblings.    The geneticist shook her head, and said she has seen duplicates of first cousins and they were not nearly as many;  this is as close as father, daughter.........   

The geneticist said these overlapping genes could mean thousands of disorders, and at this point it is impossible to make any conclusion about a specific disorder or abnormality.  So, again, only time will tell how far Bethany can go and how much she is limited.    She will be doing a developmental testing 6 months from now.

This discovery about her birth parents is so disturbing.......  We are wondering what happened to her mom.    Was she in an abusive household?   Is she still being abused now?     San and  I talked back and forth, made all kinds of guesses, even talked about the possibility of finding her mom.   We will never know for sure what happened.    We prayed for her mother last night.

Even though we didn't get the conclusive answer that we were hoping for,  for some reasons, we feel settled.    I think we are finally ready to move forward.    San and I both agree that if God would let us choose all over again, given all we know about Bethany now, our answer would still be a definite "Yes, we will take her".        

 There is an awe in my heart that I can't describe.      I realized after all, this is NOT a mistake....God has been orchestrating the most loving redemptive plan for this unwanted child.   Who can fathom His mercy?   Who can understand the depth of His love?   Once again, we are in a very humble place.    We love Him so much more.

I know we have a long road ahead.   We still don't know what is ahead in this journey or where we are heading, but I think I am finally ready;  I am looking forward to witness and be part of one of God's most loving redemptive plans. 

One of our facebook friends reminded us - Isn't this what faith is all about.....  

Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. "

There seems to be a theme going on in our lives recently - take one day at a time.  Everywhere we turn, God seems to be saying, "Just take one day at a time."      I was at the library with Pearl and Ruthie the other day.     Out of all the books on the shelves, this plain and ordinary title and cover caught my attention, "Little One Step".     The back of the book reads:

"Every journey begins with one little step...

What do you do when you're little and lost and your legs feel all wobbly?
The littlest duckling discovers he can walk the tallest trees and through the widest fields when he does "One Step."
By putting one foot in front of the other, Little One Step finds his way home and learns that every journey begins with

one
little

step"    

Little, lost, wobbly legs - that's me, I told God.     His reply, "Just put one foot in front of the other;  You can walk the tallest trees and through the widest fields, and I will be home waiting for you."